MY PERSONAL TESTIMONY
I was saved 3 days before I turned 17 in Oklahoma. I surrender to preach at the age of 19 in Roland, Oklahoma at the Zion Missionary Baptist Church. I left Oklahoma to attend Texas Baptist Institute and Seminary for the next 5 years.
MY HEART INFECTION
I was as healthy as a horse until I turned 53. I had jogged 11 miles without stopping. I had jogged and walked 28 miles one Saturday. A young man half my age made it 18 miles, but I made all 28 miles. I have bragging rights for a life time. I throughly enjoyed walking and jogging many times. I have made many sermons while jogging. By the time I got home I had the subject and 4 or 5 major points. I had lifted weights for several years and enjoyed trying to press more than the 205 pounds that I had pressed.
In February of 1996 I had a viral infection that attacked my heart muscle and I have permanent damage to my heart. Because of the infection my heart enlarged and I have congestive heart failure. The heart can return to the normal size within a year. Mine did not. My heart was functioning at 10 to 15 percent. The heart normally pumps 60 percent of the blood from one chamber into other chamber. Mine was only pumping 10 to 15 percent. I was in the hospital a total of 19 days. I was discharged after nine days and had to go back just after midnight and was in the hospital for another 10 days.
The doctor told my wife that if I had not come to the hospital that Friday, I would not have made it through the night. On Monday Jerry made out an obituary and planned a funeral service. I read it when I got out of the hospital after the first 9 days. My son had suggested she do it in case something happened to me. I was very blessed because I got to read my obituary and funeral service. Most do not get to read them. We did not have health insurance and Jerry found out how to get me into LBJ County Hospital in Houston. In spite of the insistence of Jerry, her brother, Buddy, and my son, Clay, I was not going to the hospital. I was determined not to go to the hospital and create a lot of bills that only the Lord knew when we could pay them. I finally decided to go when my son with tears in his eyes told me I could walk to the car or he would carry me. My son drove the car to the hospital doing 90 to 100 miles an hour in the traffic on Hardy Toll Road and loop 610.
After a few days in the hospital, the doctors informed Jerry about my condition. They did not know what caused the heart infection. It has to run its course. Most people who get a heart infection live for about 7 to 10 days. One out of every 500,000 get a heart infection. I have been blessed with over 10 years after this infection. One of my friends had a heart infection and lived for 7 days and then he died. The doctors told Jerry that I would need complete bed rest for a year. I was not supposed to climb any stairs. I could no longer drive my car. The Devil tried to do a number on me during this time. Some churches have taken care of a pastor for 3 to 6 months. I could not see even my loving church taking care of me for one whole year. I told the Grace Missionary Baptist Church many times that I would never forget what they did for me during this time. I was reading my Bible through which I had promised the Lord I would do in 1996. I read Job 10:12 during this time. It has become one of my favorite verses of Scriptures. Job said, “Thy visitation hath preserved my spirit.” I could not have gone through all of this without the Lord. I felt very close to the Lord during this time.
The Lord used friends in Houston, in Texas, and in other states to comfort us and encourage us. Many visited me in the hospital and called and sent cards wishing us well. I was pastor of a young man, Kent Ward who moved to Costa Rica. He called me long distance to encourage me. My wife received many calls that ministered to her as well. A dear friend came from Mexico to attend our Bible Conference at Grace Missionary Baptist Church and he came to the hospital and prayed with me. Countless prayers were offered to the Lord on my behalf. I could feel the prayers and concern of people.
Within two months I started preaching on Sunday morning. A little after that I was preaching during all of the services. Needless to say, the doctors could not believe my progress. They were amazed. I know without any doubt that I have the best Doctor or Physician in the whole world and His name is Jesus Christ. My father died at the age of 34. My grandfather died at the age of 46 or 47. My brother died at the age of 42. I was 53 when I had the heart infection. I have outlived 3 generations of men in my family. I thanked God for the years He had given me and I would not have argued or held it against Him if I had died.
One day I went through a toll booth in the church van. I asked the attendant how she was doing. She said,”I am blessed.” I told her I was too. Several days later I went through the toll booth in my pick up. The same woman was there. I asked her how she was doing. She said, “I am fine.” “How are you?” I answered, “I am blessed.” She recognized me then and she said, “I am blessed to.” I went through a lot of uncertain times. I knew I was blessed of the Lord. When people ask me, How are you doing? I answer, “I am blessed.” I truly am blessed of the Lord to be alive and doing what He has called me to do. I am more blessed than anyone else. I told a preacher brother that I was blessed. He said, “I am too.” I said I was more blessed than you are. He said, “I don’t know about that.” I said, “I have read my obituary and funeral service.” He said, “I guess you are more blessed than me.”
We did not have any health insurance at this time. The church was giving me about $130.00 a month for medical aide. I was very concerned about the bills that were piling up due to the hospital stay. Bro. Ray Brooks made an appeal for us in the Baptist Monitor. Over $13,000.00 was raised and that amount took care of all the medical bills and even helped us with some of the future ones. I could not believe the love that was manifested to us during this time. The Lord ministered to us through the calls, offerings, and cards. The outpouring of love made the suffering I had gone through as nothing. We are very grateful. I thought we were ruined for life. I was ashamed to confess my lack of faith and how well the Lord provided for us during this time.
There have been special times that I have wept before the Lord. I learned to cry due to the uncertainty of my life. The first service I went to at our church, I went to the altar and cried before the Lord. The tears were a great release of the stress and feelings that I went through during this trying time. I have been told all of my life, Do not cry. Be a man. Many men bottle up all the grief and agony and it is very hurtful to their health. Jesus wept. John 11:35 Since Jesus wept, we know there is nothing wrong with weeping. Crying is not a sign of weakness. I would encourage parents of young boys and girls, do not tell them not to cry. Let them cry. Most older preachers learn to tell people to have a good cry. There is nothing wrong with crying. Tears are a language that God understands.
I thank God for one of our men who had surrendered to preach at the Grace Missionary Baptist Church. Bro. Joe Gallegos filled in for me during this time. He was on stand by when I thought I could preach in a service just in case I could not. I will never forget one service before all of this happened. I had gotten up to preach and read the text for the message. I then just stared at my people and was almost in tears. It probably lasted for 30 seconds to a minute. I looked up and Bro. Joe was right there at the pulpit. He asked if he needed to preach. I said, “Yes.” I closed my Bible and was about to go home, when Joe said, “Just leave it.” He used the outline that I was going to preach that day. We have been friends through the years. He and his wife Dale mean a great deal to me.
MY KIDNEY PROBLEM AND LITHOTRYPSY
We moved to Hughes Springs in early 1999. I developed kidney stones and they had to try to crush the stones so they could pass. This was in June of 1999. The stones were so big they could not pass. They did the procedure in Longview and sent me home which was forty miles away. One in 250,000 lithotrypsys have adverse affects. I never will forget a nurse asked me if I wanted to have prayer before the procedure and I said “yes.” She prayed for me and the procedure. When I was recuperating I wondered if her prayer life was what it should have been. On the other hand without the prayer it could have been a lot worse. I was in constant pain all afternoon. My wife called several times and talked with a nurse who said the pain was normal and it would take time. All afternoon I kept saying, Lord help me. The last time my wife called the nurse she was a little put out and told my wife she would have to take me to the hospital. Around 5:00 P.M. that day I could take it no longer. My wife drove me to the hospital forty miles away. She was stopping for red lights and I told her to run the lights. On my way down to the hospital Kenny and Margie Wilson noticed that something was wrong and Kenny drove ahead of us with his lights flashing. I had taken more pain medication than I should have and was out of it by the time we got to the hospital.
I had been saying, Lord help me, for hours. There was no position that I could get in to bring any relief from the pain. They gave me some stronger medicine at the hospital and I experience some relief. They soon found out that the procedure had damaged my kidney and I was bleeding internally. The only way they could know what was going on was by doing exploratory surgery. The doctor almost removed my kidney three times. He did not because the other kidney was not functioning normally. The kidney was damaged so bad, he kept working with it and was able to repair it. It is doing all right now. A young man who was attending Texas Baptist Institute and worked at the hospital told me later that they blew my kidney up. He told me this twice. The doctor did exploratory surgery on me somewhere around 9:30 or 10:00 P.M. that evening. Many of our members came to the hospital to be with my wife during the surgery.
I was in the hospital after the surgery 8 or 9 days. I had lost 25 pounds eating everything in sight. I remembered that I was scheduled to preach at one of the rest homes in Hughes Springs during this time. One of our men was willing to go and sing to the people. It took several weeks before I was able to preach. Another good friend was right there for me. Bro. Henry Grubbs preached for me as long as I was out of the pulpit. I will always appreciate Bro. Grubbs for lovingly preaching in my absence. My church was willing to allow me to take as long as I needed to to recover from the surgery. It took me several months before I got over the surgery. The Veal Switch Missionary Baptist Church was a wonderful sweet church who stood by me during this time and during other trying times. It is a great blessing to have a church family who loved and prayed for me. If anyone develops kidney stones all they have to do is let me know and they will have a prayer warrior praying for them.
FLUID BUILD UP IN MY LUNGS
In May of 2002 I had experienced difficulty breathing for several days and I just didn’t think it was serious. On Saturday night it became very difficult to breath at all. Jerry wanted to call an ambulance, but I told her not to call one. We still had medical bills that we were paying off at that time. She realized the seriousness of the situation and call the ambulance. It bothered me that she had done it, but looking back God used her to keep me here. Sometimes the person going through health problems are not aware of the seriousness of it. I thank God Jerry stepped in and took over regardless of what I told her.
Fluid was building up in my lungs. I was drowning in my own fluid. They pulled 5 liters of fluid off of me. When I got to the hospital and they were working on me, I was fighting the doctors. They were very concerned about my life. I remembered telling those around me I needed someone to pray for me. They could not get me quiet so they went and got Jerry who prayed for me in the emergency room before the doctors and nurses. Later on Jerry told me I was saying, I didn’t want to die. I had too much to do.
The doctors told Jerry that if I had gone to sleep that night at home, I would not have made it. I was in the Longview Regional Hospital again for about 9 days. The first night in the intensive care unit, I was very troubled and told a nurse I didn’t think I would make it and told her I wanted to be an organ donor. She said my wife would have to tell the staff, if I should die. Jerry had just gone to sleep about two in the morning and they woke her up at four in the morning. She came in and I told her I didn’t think I was going to make it. She assured me I would make it. The feeling was so strong and real to me. It seemed like death was around the corner. I found out later that three people had died in the intensive care unit that night. I do not know if I saw something or what made me have such a strong feeling about death.
The Lord was in control and I made it through this period and was back to my normal condition. Something else happened during this time that has had a lasting effect upon me. The doctors kept adding powerful medicines for me to take. At one time they had even talked about a heart transplant. They gave me medicines to slow my heart down so it would not be so taxing on it. I began to have some serious “spells”. I use the word “spells” because I can not think of a better way to describe what I go through. During these spells I would just stare off. I was very slow to respond to the voices of others. My head would lower as if I were slumping over. My skin would turn a gray pale color. Jerry took me to the cardiologist during one spell that was very severe. She thought I was going to die. We kept the doctor’s appointment and after examining me for 5 minutes, he told her that he couldn’t do anything with me. He said I needed to go to the emergency room. The nurse helped me out to the car. I leaned over and told Jerry that I would not get in the car unless she promised to take me home. It seems like resting and sleep always helps with the “spells.” She promised she would take me home. I got in the car and she drove straight to the emergency room. They kept me for 5 hours and sent me home. The doctor sent the nurse in to tell me they were sending me home. She said the doctor thought I was depressed. When she told me that, I felt depressed. We went home and the next morning, I was back to my normal self. I had a bone to pick with the doctor because of this. The same doctor has admitted me to the emergency room the last three times that I have been admitted into the hospital.
There doesn’t seem to be any reason for the spells. The doctors have checked me out for seizures. My heart doctor says it is my nerves. The nerve doctor says it is my heart. The M. D. doctor doesn’t know anything. The spells are very embarrassing to me. People do not know what to say or do when I am going through one. I remember at our State meeting in Houston I had a “spell” in the exhibit area where missionaries and others exhibit their works. I was at my table talking with Calvin and Bonnie Gould and I went into one of the “spells” and sat down. Bro. Calvin wanted to call an ambulance and I told him I would be all right. I thank the Lord for Mike Daniel and Lynn Hitt. I have traveled with these two men a lot and they knew what I was going through and assured the people I was all right. I cannot control these spells. They appear at different times during different situations. Jerry has checked my blood pressure, heart beat, and blood sugars and they are normal during a spell.
I have decided that I will still attend our meetings. I am taking a chance of having one of the spells. We have thought maybe it is what I eat or if I am too tired or if I sit too long at one time. There doesn’t seem to be any one thing that brings them on. I can either sit at home and not allow anyone to see me going through a spell or I can continue going to our meetings and take a chance on people seeing me have a spell. I choose to go to our meetings that I love so much. I thank God for the love and concern of people when they see me go through one of these spells.
MY CANCER OF THE PROSTATE GLAND
In October of 2004 at the request of my wife, my doctor did some blood work which showed my PSA was a little high. It was at 5.8 at that time. I had the test done again in November and the doctor wanted me to have a biopsy done in December. At this time the PSA was at 6.8. I had already met my Insurance deductible for 2004. So I put off the biopsy until January. When I had it done, my insurance deductible was met for 2005. It was determined through the biopsy that I had cancer of the prostate gland.
I had worried and fretted over this problem for several months. We had a very special person at our church who had prostate cancer, Bro. Grover Livingston. It was a very aggressive kind of cancer. He went through a lot of pain and suffering. I could see myself going through what he did. This trouble really bothered me. I allowed it to affect my attitude. Your attitude will always show itself. I had been through so much already. I didn’t think I should have to go through any more problems. The Devil will really do a number on you and it will affect your spiritual life. I didn’t really know if I could go through something so serious. I could not control what was happening to my body, but I could control what was happening to my attitude. What happens to us does not matter as much as how we react to what happens to us.
When we met with the doctor to talk about the results of the biopsy, he told me that I had prostate cancer. As soon as he told me that was my problem, I experienced a peace that flooded my heart. He left the room and my wife asked me what I was going to do. We had talked about the options that I had. I had asked the doctor what he would do if he faced the same thing. He told me he would have it taken out. There were several different options. I could just watch it for awhile. I could have radiation treatments. If I took this treatment, I would have bleeding problems for the rest of my life. I take a blood thinner and it made the radiation treatments more risky. I could have gold implants. I could have it removed. I told my wife that I was going to go home and think and pray about it.
Three months later on June 21 of 2005, I had the surgery. The operation went fine. The doctor told my wife he thought it was a cure. He was confident that he had got it all. The cancer was in both sides of the prostate. The cancer had not spread outside of the prostate to the other organs. I thank God for the 20 something people who sat with my wife during this operation. They were a special comfort to her during this time. I went for a check up several weeks later. They did some blood work and I am cancer free. This great fear of what was happening and going to happen was needless. It reminds me of the song, I don’t know about tomorrow. It may bring me tragedy. I know who holds tomorrow.
There have been times that I have wondered, Why did I have to go through all of these things? I have had my share of fears and tears. I have worried over the financial cost of these sicknesses. There were times I was very discouraged. I do not think I was ever depressed over them. There were times I wished the Lord would call me home. I thought my family would be better off without me and the constant problems that we dealt with. Romans 8:28 is a verse of Scripture that means a lot to me. You do not have to understand it all or try to figure it all out. You must trust the Lord through all of your experiences good or bad. These tough times have shown me how weak I am and how much I need the Lord. The tough times that I have experienced have taught me a lot about the Lord and life. James said, “knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.” James 1:3 The fact is you can pass the test of having your faith tried or tested. No one has to become bitter and sour because of the trials and troubles of life.
One of the things that has been a great concern of mine is allowing the Devil to use these troubles to cause me to become angry at the Lord. One of the sadest things you will ever see is a saved person bitter and sour on life. The saddest of all is to see men of God who have allowed the problems of life to shut them down and cause them to quit and even blame God for what has happened. I know without any doubt that a lot of what we have to go through is a direct result of the Devil working in our lives. Our Lord warns us that the way people treated Him will also be the way they will treat His people. I have decided that I want to depart this life with a sweet spirit.
THE CHURCH FIRED ME
I have been preaching for 43 years. I believe I love people and want to minister to them. Nothing has hurt me as much as the church I pastored fired me after 7 years of ministering to them. I had ministered to them in times of death, operations, different kinds of troubles and I figured people should stand up for their pastor. Instead many of the ones I ministered to never called after the church fired me. I honestly didn’t know who was for me or against me other than the ones who stood up and spoke for me during the business meeting. Preachers are a class of people that are ministered to the least among all of God’s people.
The trouble all started over me asking one of the ladies to do a simple thing as her leader pastor. She had been operated on. She was teaching on the second floor and due to her surgery it was difficult for her to climb the stairs. I allowed her to use the copier room for her class with the understanding that it was to be used for a class and the copier room. She agreed. She made the room into her class room before it was all over with. I called her and told her that I wanted the room back. She didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to talk about it, just not with her pastor. She got upset and upset several deacons. She went to the deacons and complained enough to set them against me. I thought I had a good relationship with these six deacons who asked the church to vote on vacating the pulpit. This woman had more influence on the deacons than I did. The deacons had more influence on the church than I did. I believe deacons should be the best friends a pastor has. The deacons should be servants of the pastor and the church.
We normally had a deacon’s meeting each Sunday night before the Sunday night we had business meeting. I announced there would not be a deacon’s meeting because I didn’t have anything to bring before them. One of the older deacons ask me why we were not going to have a meeting. I told him why. I ask him, if he had anything to bring up. He did not say. That Sunday evening one of our deacons called for a meeting of the deacons and they had a meeting without the pastor. I didn’t even know they were going to have a meeting. They did not invite me to it.
At the end of our services one of the deacons was the last to leave and he told me that the deacons wanted to meet with me and my wife. He said the deacons had a meeting and wanted us to meet on Tuesday night. I told him my wife would not attend. I ask if his wife was going to attend. He said no. He said they wanted to discuss a problem that involved me and my wife. I told him the deacons were out of order having a meeting without me. He told me that the deacons could meet anytime they wanted to with or without me. He asked me if I was going to attend, I told him I would pray about it.
The Tuesday night we were to have the meeting I did not attend because for two days I had been in one of my spells. I did not attend the meeting. Around Thursday one of the older deacons called and told my wife what the deacons decided to do. All six men met on Tuesday with an older preacher in our church. They decided to ask me to resign. All six deacons attended the following Wednesday night services to ask me to resign. One of the deacons was a truck driver who was seldom at church. He made the Sunday service and went out of town, but was back Tuesday night and Wednesday to be part of their plan. If I resigned, they would give me two week salary and one month insurance. If I didn’t resign, they would not do anything for me, if the church voted to vacate the pulpit or fire the pastor. I have congestive heart failure. I am a very sick man. I had been through so much health wise. It hurt me to think that these men did not have Christian compassion for their pastor who had severe health problems. When my wife told me the deacon called and told her what the deacons had decided, it bothered me that this deacon would talk to my wife and not to me. A little while after she told me he called and told her what they were planning on doing, I went over to the deacons house and ask him what they decided to do. He gave me a piece of paper that listed what they would do. This deacon had been a friend to me and helped me in the beginning of my ministry at this church. I told him he should have talked to me and not my wife.
I was really upset the next Sunday. I knew things were bad and getting worse. I preached a message entitled MY DEPARTURE IS AT HAND using II Timothy 4:6-8 as my text. I had made copies of the terms of the deacons and inserted it in the bulletin. In the message I told the church what was going on and why I believed it was going on. I was so upset after the invitation I had our song leader to make the announcements and we left the services. I had ask one of the preachers to preach and conduct business meeting that night. He said he would do it. He preached, but a deacon conducted the business meeting. He did not tell me that he had not done what he told me he would do.
I went to my son’s and stayed the week and Sunday I went to Grace Missionary Baptist Church where I use to pastor. The next Sunday the deacons announced they had a letter that they wanted the members to take and read. They had typed a three page letter giving their side of the story. They accused me of nearly every thing that men accuse a pastor when they want to get rid of him. Same song, just different singers. I am trying to get over this kind of treatment from men that I have pastored for 7 years. They blind sided me. I did not think it was as serious as it was. During this time none of the deacons came to me and sat down in love explaining to me how bad it was and what I needed to do.
Before I called for a deacon to make the motion to vacate the pulpit, I ask the church to decided if the deacons should meet without the pastor or his knowledge. A motion was made and seconded that the deacons should not meet without the pastor or him having the knowledge of a meeting. There was some discussion. Two preachers in the service said I was wrong in what I believed. I believe that the pastor is under the Lord. I believe the deacons are the servants to the pastor and the church. I believe the members are to do the work as the pastor leads them. Two preachers said my belief was not according to the Bible. Another preacher, just sat there without saying a word. Finally a deacon made a motion to table the motion. The church voted to table the motion.
The deacons met again on a Saturday evening without inviting me or without my knowledge. They decided to have the church to vote on a Sunday night and vote by secret ballot. I told them I would rather it be on a Sunday morning when more members are there. They told me how it was going to be. The time came and it was brought up in the meeting. I ask one of the deacons to make a motion to vacate the pulpit. They did not make the motion. Instead a woman who was part of the problems made the motion. I did not recognize her or her motion. I waited for a deacon to make the motion. They did not do it. I recognize her motion. A vote was called for and they voted to vacate the pulpit 4 to 1 of those present. I announced the vote and got my Bible and left the service.
When we got home our son was not there. He had come up that day to support us in what we faced. Later he told us he went back into the church and ask for the microphone and told the people in a calm tone what he thought of them. We listened to a tape of the business meeting and I will always be thankful for my son standing up for me. He had told me when all of this was coming to a head, that it wasn’t my fault and they did not deserve me as their pastor.
Only a few of the members called and talked with us after this happened. It broke my heart for a terrible thing like this to happen and only a few people reached out to comfort us in all of it. Even some of our close friends did not call or visit. I have never felt so alone in all of my life. I had visited, prayed for, preached the funerals of some of the people’s loved ones. What I had done for them as their pastor seem to be nothing to them. Some of the members said they did not know what to say to us. I have been in a lot of situations when I did not know what to say. You can always put your arms around someone. You can tell them you are praying for them and you love them. I can see how easy it would be to become sour or bitter. God’s people can be very cruel and unloving at times. While some thought to do harm to us and did, others just let them do it without saying anything in our behalf. The Lord’s people have proved to me time and again that the Lord is the only One that you can completely and entirely depend upon and trust with all of your heart.
When we got back from visiting our son after this happened, I ask two of our men if they had a job for a broken down preacher. I did not know what I was going to do. I could see my whole world crashing down on us. Our medications cost a lot. The doctors and hospital bills were piling up.
The church fired me on October 30th. I was very down and discouraged. I did not know what I was going to do. One of the men of the church gave me money several different times. My son and my daughter helped us out. A preacher friend helped us out. The Grace Missionary Baptist Church took up an offering for us. I was invited to peach in view of a call on November 1st at the Rocky Springs Missionary Baptist Church and preached on November 6th. They had a question and answer time the day I preached in view of a call. The hardest thing that I have had to tell a church was that I had congestive heart failure and that the last Sunday my church had voted to vacate the pulpit. The church called me on November 13th. I did not know if I wanted to jump right back in to pastor or not. My confidence had been shaken up. I ask them to give me a week and I would give them an answer. I could not decide what the Lord wanted me to do on the 20th. I ask for another week. I told them I wanted to do what the Lord wanted me to do. They received a love offering for me that night. I went to accept the Church on November 27th. I went into one of my spells and told the church I thought they should think about it for another week. After some discussion and another vote was taken to assure me they wanted me as their pastor, I accepted the Rocky Springs Missionary Baptist Church on November 27th.
We put our house on the market 7 to 10 days before we moved on January 21st. We received a bid on the house on January 23rd and settled on a price on January 27th and closed the deal on February 13th. As I look back I can see the hand of God in all of the things that happened. I have a tremendous heart ache that I am looking to the Lord to take away. What one selfish woman and six deacons meant for evil, God changed it into something wonderful and comforting. I never missed a week’s salary. I am doing better now than I was then.
I have repented and asked the Lord to forgive me. I worried over what we were going to do. My faith in the Lord was weak. It has been embarrassing to me because I doubted the Lord’s provision. I now have a loving church that has expressed their love in so many ways. Their love has comforted me and consoled me in all of my troubles. I have a stronger faith because of what has happened to me. I have decided that when I go home, I am going home with a loving and sweet spirit. God has been so good to me in all of my trials and troubles.
I do not know why these things have happened to me. I have searched my heart. I could understand if I had committed some sin against the Lord. I could understand if I were immoral or unscriptural. I could understand if I were a trouble maker. I do not believe I am guilty of any of these things. Why they have happened to me is not as important as how I handle or react to what has happened to me. I could not and cannot handle them within my own power. The Lord must do a work within you to enable you to handle the difficult times. Without His help I am in trouble. These things would make some want to find the coping ability in drinking or drugs. These things will only cause more problems, but you will be contributing to the problems.
I have a list of things that I have learned from the troubles and trials that have come my way. I hope they will help you.
SOME LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED
1. God is in charge. No doctor or hospital or nurse is in charge. He is the great Physician.2. Every day is a wonderful blessing. It is good to be alive.3. There is a reason for your going through what you are going through. I do believe in God’s chastisement, but the Devil wants us to think it is always because of sin. It can be, but there are other reasons for troubles. James 1:34. The Devil will work on your flesh during the times of bad health causing times of doubt and fear. I Peter 5:85. The Lord will take care of His people. Philippians 4:19; I Peter 5:76. The Lord gives us the strength to go on and live for Him. Philippians 4:137. The love and prayers of the Lord’s people can help sustain you.8. Your troubles can make you better or bitter.9. I do not want to be a bitter or sour preacher of the Lord’s Word.10. You can be a witness for the Lord in your troubles.11. You will began to see a lot of blessings you have not noticed or paid much attention to.12. Unless we get killed or have a tragic accident, all of us will develop some health problems that will carry us home to glory.13. When you can face death and it be immaterial whether you live or die, you will mature in the Lord. If you live, you will praise the Lord and if you die you will praise the Lord.14. We have a beautiful and wonderful home to go to when this life is over with.15. The Lord has a purpose for your life.16. You will realize the importance of your mate and family.17. All the Devil can do to you, he will have to do in this short life time.18. The church should be a vocal comfort to a pastor and not a silent supporter. 19. The only One that you can trust completely and entirely is the Lord. Proverbs 3:5,620. Even when you are sick and have major problems, some people will not care nor be understanding towards you. I AM BLESSED OF THE LORD
I HAVE BEEN BLESSED IN MY LIFE BY HAVING THE
PRIVILEGE OF BEING PASTOR OF EIGHT OF THE LORD’S CHURCHES
My first pastorate was the Harris Chapel Missionary Baptist Church of Sugar Hill or Wilkerson, Texas. I accepted this church in 1963. I was with this church for about 11 months. I believe we had a fifth Sunday at our church. Other churches joined us in service. I was the host pastor and didn’t get up and greet the people. The moderator ask me publicly if I had anything to say and I shook my head. I didn’t want to say anything.
I became the pastor of the Concord Missionary Baptist Church of Omaha, Texas. I accepted this church in 1964. I was with this church for 3 and ½ years. I had been driving from Henderson each week to be in the services. I told them I would move on the field if they would call me indefinitely instead of yearly. They didn’t call me indefinitely, but they did the next pastor.
I became the pastor of the Enterprise Missionary Baptist Church near Gary, Texas. I accepted this church in 1968. I was with this church for about 1 and ½ years. I love to raise chickens. I never could build a pen to keep them in. One Sunday morning about 5 roosters crowed under the church building. The next week I put them in the freezer.
I became the pastor of the Calvary Missionary Baptist Church in Jacinto City, Texas. I accepted this church in 1969. I was with this church for about 4 years. Someone had dropped off a case of empty beer cans in our parking lot. I picked them up and was heading for the trash can when the garbage truck drove up to collect the garbage. It was embarrassing.
I became the pastor of the East Side Missionary Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Texas. I accepted this church in November of 1974.I was with this church for about 7 and ½ years. The men of our church had a softball team. They ask me to be the pitcher. One night I struck out 3 or 4 batter. I was dressed in high top black tennis shoes, black socks to the knees, red checked shorts, and a blue mesh shirt. The men said I didn’t pitch that good. I just distracted the batters the way I was dressed.
I became the pastor of the Grace Missionary Baptist Church of Houston. I accepted this church in 1981. I was with this church for 17 and ½ years. I developed a heart infection while at Grace and nearly died. The church took care of me and provided for me during this trying time. I told them I would never forget them and I have not.
I became the pastor of the Veal Switch Baptist Church of Hughes Springs. I accepted this church in December of 1998. I was with this church for 7 years. One Wednesday night I was about to get up and preach when I noticed I didn’t have my outline for that service. I told the Song Leader to sing another song and I went home and got the outline.
I became the pastor of the Rocky Springs Missionary Baptist Church. I accepted this church in November of 2005. I have been with this church for about 6 months now. This church is very dear to me. I have only been here less then a year. I went through some of the most trying times of my life and God used them to minister to me during this time.
Since I started pastoring, I have only been without a church for one month. That is a pretty good record for over 42 years in the ministry. When God called me to preach, I desire to preach God’s Word. Soon after I entered Texas Baptist Institute and Seminary I became pastor of one of the Lord’s churches and I have had a desire to pastor a group of the Lord’s people from that time on.
I have made friends for a life time in the churches I have pastored. I love to hear about each church that I have pastored. The Lord’s people are the greatest people on the earth and I am so glad the Lord called me to preach and allows me to pastor a group of His people. One day I plan on retiring from the ministry. The day I do they will be planning my funeral. This is a calling that lasts for a life time.
Being a pastor has a lot of ups and downs. There are good times and there are bad times. There are times the joy is almost heavenly and there are times when the heartache is almost more than you can bear. The joys will always outweigh the heartaches. If the Lord were not our helper, every pastor would quit and give up the ministry. Many servants of the Lord have desired death during times of trial and heartache. Some men who wanted to die are Moses, David, Jonah, Elijah, and Job. These men are our examples. They were faithful servants, but they were also human beings with the weakness of the flesh.
The man of God has been hand picked by God to proclaim His unsearchable riches. The preacher has been called of God with a holy calling. It is a spiritual calling that moves us and motivates us to give our all for the Lord in His service. It is sad, but the religious world is full of preachers who do not have a personal knowledge or experience of receiving the call of God. They simply choose to preach and pastor because they want to or they decide to do so. That is why many of these men and women have no conviction for the truth. They only have a selfish desire for profit and gain and for popularity and power over other people.
I know who I am and I know where I came from. It is so hard to understand why the Lord would call me into the ministry. Nearly every pastor I have heard give his testimony about the ministry will say the same thing. I may not know what I am doing and I may at times wonder if the Lord knows what He is doing, especially when He called me to preach, but I know in my heart that this is the Lord’s will for my life. I would rather be a preacher of the gospel than anything else in this life.
There is no way I will ever be able to recall all of the joys that I have experienced in the ministry. When I have been very discouraged, the Lord allows me to see some things that are just heavenly. You know that it is the will of God. He has a way of dealing with things that you know beyond any doubt that it was all God and none of you. There are joys in the pastor’s life. People are saved because of our preaching the truth. Saved people surrender their lives to serve the Lord. Some young men answer the call to the ministry. The Devil will make sure we do not remember all of the joys, but he will make sure we remember all of the heartaches.
I WAS BLESSED BY WORKING WITH THE TEXAS
BAPTIST INSTITUTE AND SEMINARY FOR SEVEN YEARS
Not long after I became the pastor of the East Side Missionary Baptist Church I was invited to teach at Texas Baptist Institute and Seminary. It was a frightening experience for me. I enjoyed attending T.B.I. for 5 years. One of the courses I was ask to teach was English. When I told my wife what I would be teaching, she just shook her head in disbelief. I learned more about English teaching it than I did in High School.
It was a joy to work with such a group of God’s men teaching young preachers and Christian workers about the Lord and His word. I think back on my days as an instructor and I thank God for the privilege of teaching. You reap what you sow. In my first year in the school I had a couple of close friends. They were pretty good at putting others up to some things. They got me to ask one of our teachers if you could kiss a woman for the glory of God. I do not know what the teacher replied, but I was paid back more than one time during my teaching days.
It was a joy to teach young men who had surrendered their lives to the ministry of God’s Word. Teachers have gone through some things in their ministries and they can advise young people about the Lord’s service and life.
I had the privilege to work with some of the leaders in our work in the school. I will always remember with joy the people and the experience I had during this time.
I WAS BLESSED BY WORKING WITH THE
SOUNDING OUT THE MINISTRY OF
THE GRACE MISSIONARY BAPTIST CHURCH FOR 17 ½ YEARS
I accepted the challenge of pastoring the Grace Missionary Baptist Church in Houston, Texas. Bro. Glen Tropp had pastored the church for around 13 years. He started the Sounding Out the Word Ministry at Grace. He led the church to print a paper of study outlines. These outlines were sermons preachers had made contributed to this ministry to be shared with others. They also printed outline books. I didn’t know anything about printing when I accepted the church. I soon learned a lot about the printing ministry.
During the time I was with Grace it became a great burden on my heart to share the printed word with others. It got into my blood and even today I realize the great importance and opportunity to share the truth on the printed page. We were sending out the paper into 68 different countries and 49 states. My heart rejoices over helping so many people understand the Word of God. What a joy to share an outline with others and they use it for the Lord. You could build a sermon and share it world wide and it be used and blessed of the Lord. A pastor I had never met called me from another state and shared the testimony of a mail man who delivered the paper to this preacher. The preacher let him keep it. Two or three days later the mail man came by and told the preacher he was saved as a result of reading the paper and obeying the truth of God’s Word.
It was amazing to see the Lord at work as we were faithful and dedicated to printing and shipping the material world wide. It wasn’t uncommon to receive mail from 5 or 6 states and 5 or 6 countries in one week. It was a joyful experience going to the mail box and wondering who we would hear from that day. We received 22 letters in one day from people who wanted material or were sending offerings to this ministry.
It was a joy to meet Sam Dyer who worked at the Pasadena Simpson Paper Company. Through his love and care we were given about $500.000 to $1,000,000 dollars of paper over a number of years. I was shouting for the Lord’s glory when I went to this company and picked up 100 cases of cut paper to be used in the Sounding Out the Word ministry. Over the years people have given us many offerings and pieces of equipment to be used in the Sounding Out the Word of God. During my pastorate at Grace I got to witness some 10 to 12 books that were paid for by other churches and individuals. It took about $1,500.00 to $1,800.00 to print 5,000 copies of a book. I will always remember a church in Japan who sent $1,600.00 to help us in this ministry. They knew Bro. Vernon Lierly and wanted one of his books printed. I nearly ran two stop sign looking at this mail and rejoicing in the Lord. Thank the Lord I wasn’t stopped or didn’t have an accident due to this wonderful blessing.
It was a great blessing to see the people of God working putting the papers together and the books to be sent out. We would have between 10 to 20 people who would come out and work putting the material together. They did not do this for pay. They came to do something for the Lord and for the good of mankind. Even members of other churches came out to help us from time to time. I thank God for the vision Bro. Glen Tropp had in leading the church to this ministry. I thank God for the Church continuing the ministry to this very day. They have been at it for over 30 years.
I AM BLESSED BY WORKING WITH THE TEXAS MISSION DEVELOPMENT MINISTRY OF THE ROCKY SPRINGS
MISSIONARY BAPTIST CHURCH
The Texas Mission Development was a burden of Bro. Kenneth Southwell back in the early 70's. I have heard a lot of good things about TMD in the past. God has used this ministry to help missions and struggling churches with their finances. The offerings have gone from several hundred dollars in its beginning to over $30,000.00 at one time. We are averaging around $25,000.00 each quarter now.
Our church is encouraging all of our churches and missions in Texas to support this helpful ministry to missions and churches. Offerings are collected in a three month period and the total of the offerings for the three months is given to a church or mission that is chosen by the members of TMD. Well over 120 quarter offerings have been given in the 30 plus years this ministry has been going.
Bro. Jim Slocumb is the Director of Texas Mission Development. He was the pastor for 7 years and he continued with the church as Director of TMD. He has been heading this ministry up for 15 years and loving ever minute of it. His whole life has been used of God in the mission field. He understands and knows the great need of the Lord’s churches and their finances.
I had the privilege of going to the Amazing Grace Baptist Mission in Cleveland, Texas and presenting the check to them in February. What a joy and great blessing to be in a service to present the funds to be used in the Lord’s service to this mission. I want to attend the service every time we give a quarter offering to a mission or church. Anyone attending such a service will get their wood set on fire and want to get involved in this great ministry.
I AM BLESSED BY SHARING MY STUDIES THROUGH
SERMON SETS AND OUTLINE BOOKS THAT I SELL
I did not know I had a love for the printing of the Word of God until I became the pastor of the Grace Missionary Baptist Church. It was very demanding to print the paper every month and print different outline books for the Sounding Out the Word Ministry. The Lord laid it on the hearts of preachers to let us use their outlines. Others let us use their poems and writings to be put in the paper. Choosing the sermons to go in the paper and books was a great labor of love for me. It blessed my soul to be a part of such a great ministry.
After a while I began to think about printing my own books and offering them for sale. I was not that well known. I did not know if I had the ability to help preachers and Christian workers with material for them to use. I tested the water by printing Growing in Grace. This was a basic book for young converts. To my surprise I sold a lot of them. They were used by auxiliaries, brotherhoods and preachers. It was encouraging to me. I started printing other books as I could. Bro. George White printed these books for me. He also taught me a lot about the printing ministry. I still thank God for our friendship and fellowship we enjoyed.
Not long after I began to print books of my own I talked with the the editor in chief to see if he would like to print a book of my outlines. I sent him one of the Sounding Out the Word books. It was volume four which contained my outlines. The book was sent back to me with a note that read, Good luck with your books. There does not seem to be a great need for them. As I think of this, I thank the Lord. He did me a big favor. The Book Store is now stocking all of my books and selling them. I have 108 outline books on various subjects. After a while I began to print books on different books of the Bible. They are called Question and Answer books. I have 61 Question and Answer books on the entire Bible. I had talked with the editor in chief of our literature about maybe having an additional help to our Sunday School material. My idea was to have questions and answers on the Scriptures for the lesson. I was told that would be too boring. I went back home and developed a series of work books I called Facts and Figures. These books had questions and answers, true or false, fill in the blank, and multiple choice exercises. These are more detailed then the Question and Answer books. All of these books were a diligent study of the Scriptures. I had 307 questions and answers on Genesis. I had 1.015 facts and figures on Genesis.
As I think back over the years, I thank God for the privilege of making and selling these books. A lady, Mrs. Williams, ran a bookstore in Pinebluff, Arkansas. She took around 300 of my books to one of her church’s meetings and sold them. Several months ago a preacher saw one of my outlines in a paper and ordered 80 books. I rejoice that I am leaving some tracks behind when it comes my time to go to be with the Lord. When I first started printing my books, I wanted to have one book for each year of my life on this earth. I reached that goal and wanted two for each year of my life. I reached that and I wanted 3 books for each year of my life. I have more than 3 books for each year of my life. I have printed 200 outline and work books.
I then started making sermon sets. Most of the sermon sets had 8 Bible ready outlines in them. I taught students how to sermonize in one of my classes I taught in Texas Baptist Institute. The first time I carried about 40 sermon sets to our Pastors and Missionary conference in Texarkana, I thought I would be crucified for offering them for sale. I was surprised at the number of people who expressed an interest in them. I also was surprised at who looked at them. One preacher bought all 40 sermon sets. A president of a seminary in one of the eastern states bought all of the sermon sets I had made. At that time I had about 300 sermon sets.
I enjoy building sermons. I enjoy offering the sermon sets to help Bible preachers and teachers. At the present time I have 407 sermon sets. I want to have many more.
I have enough outlines on hand to preach for the rest of my life. I have a surplus of them. However, I keep having thoughts and desires to build more sermons. It is a joy to outline the Word of God. It is a blessing to let the Lord lead me and move in my life and give me these thoughts.
Why did I write this testimony? This has been on my heart for a few years. I wanted to share with you my testimony and what the Lord has done for me. I AM BLESSED OF THE LORD.
I want you to know that your situation in life is not hopeless. I have been there. I have been at death’s door 2 or 3 times. I wanted to quit. I wanted to die. I wanted to get out of my situation. I thought my life was ruined and over with. What I have been though reminds me of a song. Through it all. Through it all. I have learned to trust in Jesus. One person said, “I have learned to quit asking why and start asking Lord what do you want me to learn from this experience.”
I want you to know that you are in the hands of God and not man. We may not understand why we go through some things. I have had a heart infection. I have had my kidney nearly blown up. I have nearly drown in my own fluid in my lungs. I have had cancer. I do not know why all of this happened to me. I do know that I reached a place and really believed that if I lived or died it was immaterial. I am going to praise Him as long as I live. I will praise Him eternally when I die.
I want you to know there is hope in all of your situations. Job said, “Thy visitation hath preserved my spirit.” Job 10:12 Drinking and drugs are the only things that some people depend upon to get them through some tough times. I do not need a fifth of whiskey. I do not need drugs to see me through the troubles of life. I need the Lord. The psalmist said it right.” The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”
I want you to know friends and prayers can help us a lot during these times. Thank God for the calls, visits, and cards that were used of the Lord to minister to me and Jerry. The love that was expressed to us makes the problems that I have gone through as nothing. Thank the Lord for those who know how to love people when they are down and hurting. It is hard to understand why a brother or sister would not try to comfort a trouble soul.
I want you to know that the Word of God is comforting in times of trouble. When Paul was writing about death and the resurrection and return of Jesus, he said, “Wherefore comfort one another with these words.” I Thessalonians 4:18 God is the God of all comfort. He can enable us to sense love, peace, comfort, and joy even during troubled times. You should read and study God’s Word daily during storms.
I want you to know that Jesus is just a prayer away during times of troubles. It is comforting to read about the storm the disciples were in as they were crossing the sea. The Lord wanted them to cross the sea. A very bad storm came up and the disciples wondered if the Lord cared if they perished. Our Savior got up and spoke to the wind and the sea and they became calm. The Lord can calm you in the storms of life or He can calm the storms in your life. One is just as good as the other. The grace of the Lord is sufficient for any and all storms that come our way.
I want you to know that the Devil will try very hard to do a number on you at your most trying times. He can cause us to doubt the Lord’s love and power in our lives. He can get you to questioning a lot of things during this time. It is hard to realize, but some even doubt if the Lord loves them or even cares for them during these times. The Lord is very near and dear to the saved during trying times.
I want you to know that the most important thing in your life is your personal relationship to the Lord and your family. We can get caught up in this materialistic world and think that what we own or have is more important than anything else. The fact is one day we are going to leave it all. We are going to leave the body and all of the worldly possessions that we own. The most important thing is your relationship with Jesus. Do you know that you are saved? If you do, you can be comforted. How is your relationship with your mate and family? This relationship is pictured by the love of the Lord for His blood bought people.
I want you to know that during times of trouble we can mature in the Lord. It seems like when you look at death and know it is around the corner everything takes on a different meaning. We may not take things for granted, but we see things differently. All of the small details of life become great blessings and show the wonderful care of the Lord. The sun shines brighter. The rain smells fresher. The moon seems more beautiful. The flowers seem like they are more beautiful than ever before. We are reminded in the Word of God that this life is brief and temporary. It will soon be over. Make sure you live life to its fullest before you die.
I want you to know that you cannot depend upon man entirely and completely. I thank God for all the people who reached out to me during all of my troubles. After I had my heart infection, I went to one of our meetings and was ask if the church had given me money for insurance that I did not use for insurance. My first reply was no, but after I thought about it the church gave me around $130.00 for medical aid. This amount could in no way pay for insurance. A preacher in Arkansas had said I had done this and there was a member at Grace Missionary Baptist Church that could verify it. Needless to say such an accusation added more pain to my life. I was trying to get over my sickness and I had to face this.
When the church vacated the pulpit or fired me, I had friends that knew about it, but never called or tried to comfort me during this trying time. Some preachers did reach out and extended their love and comfort. They supported me. They called long distance to show their love and support. I had talked with some preachers in the area where I pastored. We had wonderful fellowship together. After this happened they never called or showed any love for a fellow pastor that had been dealt a hard blow to his ministry. I even saw some of them at a state meeting and they were not friendly as they had been in times past.
I have tried to be a loving pastor and brother in Christ. I had been through a lot physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I could not believe how people who had said they loved you, fellowshiped with you, worshiped and served together and hugged you could be so unloving to a man of God who had been knocked down and kicked while he was down. The leaders of the church were active in getting people on their side to do what they wanted to get done. The deacons approved a letter they handed out at the end of several church services trying to persuade the members that it was time for me to go. The 3 page letter accused me of everything they could think of to sway the membership. This has been pulled many times by a group of people who want to blame the pastor for everything and not assume any responsibility for the way the church was going. They did a good job spreading the poison and influencing the members to their opinion and position.
During the very trying time even members who were for us and loved us remained silent and were not active supporters of me and my family. Those who spoke at the meeting were mainly for the church getting rid of me. Those who wanted me to stay sat silently by and let the ones who wanted me gone, do their job.
I thank my Lord that He never turned His back on me. He will always have compassion for His people. I sensed and felt the presence of the Lord in a great way during this difficult time. When we are hurting our most, His love is at its best. Thank the Lord we can have a Helper who will never leave us or forsake us. You can always, always count upon the Lord and depend upon Him during times of heartache and pain.
